Wednesday, December 9

Pioneer Woman: Part Two of Probably Only Three-ish...

*pees herself and kicks the bucket simultaneously*

I got my cookbook signed!! I did, I did, and a second one, too, for someone else. For that matter, also a third one, lol, for a nice young woman named Renee who didn't want to wait in line and didn't really mind not meeting her/getting a t-shirt.

Oh, did I not mention that? Yes, I got a t-shirt, too. If I was allowed to wear prints at work, I'd have the sucker on me already. But I can't, and no, I'm not going to take a pic right now. My hair is NASTY.

So let me tell you allllll about yesterday, because holy beans, it was a doozy of a day.

I did my hair (which went flat somewhere around 2 pm) and got ready and posted the first part in the morning, and then left for Nashville at 11:45. It was POURING. It was miserable, and hard to see, even with my brights on, and there were a few times when I considered pulling over, but didn't. I kept my eyes on the tail lights in front of me and drove, and it was just bad. It was so bad that I was driving 55 mph on the interstate, a 70 mph zone, because of the water on the road.

I arrived in Nashville at 1:05 pm. Yeah. It took me that long. NASHVILLE IS NOT THAT FAR AWAY FROM CLARKSVILLE!!! *ahem* Scuse me, sorry.

So, first stop: bathroom. I'd had two Starbuck's frappaccino's that morning and my bladder was telling me I was an idiot. So was Meg, who I called immediately after I got there to gloat that I was in, at least in some portion of, The Country Music Capitol of the World. I stopped on my way to the bathroom because a fur coat caught my eye. It was on sale for $947. The original price was $1,5012. It was a cashmere cloak with a black fox fur trim. I wanted it. I wanted it, I wanted it, I wanted it....but I wasn't that dumb, either, so I dodged the much too persuasive saleswoman and headed to the bathroom... which was out of order.

Eventually, in Dillards, after buying this little dude at Pottery Barn because he begged me in his little chipmunk voice and said his name was Scrat the 800th, and his great times a zillion grandfather was a lovelorn, acorn-tormented sabertooth squirrel:

The mall itself was just gorgeous, decorated for the Holidays, and very clean. I loved being there. I am such a city girl now, because I tell you what... I missed a good mall...


I was talking to Meg on the phone for a while, walking around, and I saw these boots. I looked at them, realized they were supposed to be thigh high, and then I realized that for her and I, and Teresa, they would be crotch high. Her reaction was, "Yes, Helen, that's what happens when people who have no legs like us wear those." Thank you, Mimmy.

I spent a lot of time in the mall, and then after paying with two checks (I left my card here at work in my apron again), I realized I needed to cash my paycheck. So I went to every single bank along the road by the mall. None of them would do it unless I had an account with them, or the check came from them. I asked a multitude if people where the closest Bank of America was and I got about 5 different answers. Eventually, and I was on foot, btw, I just started walking in whatever direction the last person said...and I was pissed. Yes, I cussed. I was pissed because the Bank of America, two hours of walking in circles later, was visible from the mall. Not the sign, mind you, but the back end of it. I could have screamed.

I think I might have.

Did I mention the rain? It was, you know. Raining, I mean, pretty hard and I could see my breath, it was that cold. But I was walking too much, and too danged livid about it all, to feel it. Do you remember those boots I bought a while back? The ones I adored that cost too much? These:

They saved my life. My feet were warm and dry, which is more than I can say for my pant legs by the end of it. I might have had trench foot O.o If you don't know what that is, Google the pics. NOT pretty.

So, after hours of shopping... and no Panda Express...but an awesome restaurant named after Charlotte and Emily Bronte and I had a pasta with chicken and cheese and spinach... It was awesome.

More in the next post....actual pictures!


  1. FUN!!! The bank experience would have had me ticked off too! Not to mention, even though we use them, how much I HATE BofA! USAA is the way to go!

  2. at least you got the books signed right?
    Jeez. What an experience---Did U ever get the check cashed?
    You could write a book you are great with keeping the readers hooked...:)


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